Dating with a mastectomy
Dating with a mastectomy - successful online dating profiles
But when I’m sitting next to a guy at a bar making awkward first date conversation, none of that seems to matter, because all I can think about is what this guy is going to think when I eventually tell him about my boobs’ impending doom, or worse yet, what’s going to happen post-surgery when I’m finally ready for my (fake boobs) to make their debut.
There’s really only one thing that gives me pause, and it’s how to tell a guy not to get too attached to my boobs since they’ll soon be unattached from me.
And although we all know that looks aren't everything, to us it is.
We have to learn to love the scars and the bumps and the bruises amassed along the way.
When people question whether my choice to have preventative surgery is extreme, I like to use the following analogy: You would never, get on a plane that had an 87% chance of crashing.
In fact, you’d probably avoid the airport, call the TSA, and maybe consider abandoning air travel altogether in favour of trains or boats for the rest of your life. I could spend the rest of my life getting bi-annual MRIs and ultrasounds, doing monthly self-exams, and just wait for the day that one of those tests reveals cancer, or I can have a double mastectomy and lower my risk to be less than the general population’s.
But being somewhat anatomically blessed, pain in the ass though it may be when shopping for shirts or running down a flight of stairs, has meant that in my entire dating life, I’ve never gone out with someone and not known that on some level part of their attraction to me had to do with my boobs.
And now that’s going to change, and I don’t know what the end product will be.
And of course, most importantly, there’s the whole not getting breast cancer thing.
I’ve spent more time in the past few months talking about my boobs than I thought I would in an entire lifetime—with my family, friends, doctors, coworkers, other women with BRCA mutations.
First there's the expanders after surgery to stretch your skin so implants will eventually fit. Then the time comes when you've expanded enough for implants. Try explaining that to the next guy you're dating and want to sleep with. Can you justify when he ghosts - he wasn't the one, it's his loss, I didn't like him that much anyway. Can you believe there is someone out there who will look at you and see you and love what he sees? I am beautiful and I am whole and I am ready for love. Somehow they don't seem to go together, yet they do for millions of women.
I was lucky, a double mastectomy, no chemo, no radiation and no drugs. But taking the breasts off a single woman who is actively dating - that's the tough part! You think it's over now and life will go on as before, but it's not. Having a double means you have no more breast tissue which means no more feeling in your breasts. And a bunch of scars that travel across your breasts like a roadmap. This is the time that you have to truly believe in yourself - when he doesn't call you again after you told him, or he can't understand why you won't let him touch you and he thinks you don't like him, or that you're not even worthy of being loved until your body looks nearly perfect again - you have to believe with your entire being that you're still the same loving, giving, fun and sexy girl you were before your breasts were taken off. This is when you find out how truly healthy or truly damaged your self esteem really is. Proven over and over again by my heart that perseveres no matter how hurt or sad or astonished it has been. Strange bedfellows - single, dating and a double mastectomy.
Tattooed or reconstructed nipples will never look or react the same way as mine do now.